Photo by Kristin Chalmers-www.kristinchalmersphoto.com
It’s completely weird that one year ago today I said goodbye to my Bella. Yes, weird. I mean of course it’s devastatingly sad, and I still suddenly burst into tears missing her; but the overwhelming feeling I have today is weird that I’m functioning without her. All you non-dog crazies may think hello, Bella was not a person, of course you are surviving. But to those like me, don’t you wonder how you will go on without the creature that got you up in the morning and always had a lick of love for you before you went to bed? Well if not, I certainly did. And while with a heavy heart, I am happy to say I did survive the past 365 days.
Ranger
And I have found puppy love again with RANGER the yellow lab of love, and oh some of that other (human) love too, as I got engaged to be married (woo-hoo) to my beautiful fiancé Andre who also loved Bella dearly.
On this emotional day, I happen to be visiting my sister in Singapore and had dinner with Judy, the lovely woman whom I wrote about late last year (in my last blog post before I took way too long a hiatus- sorry about that) who also had to say goodbye to her beloved Golden Retriever Sydney.
Sydney wearing Louis Vuitton Sneaker
Sadly she lost another dog soon after, Sydney’s 13 year old pup. Judy and I bonded in cyberspace about the loss of a pet, so it was quite fortuitous I could be with her today.
She still has Sydney’s life partner Nikki and another of the pups, Tara who is also 13 years young. Being with her reminded me how much I encourage anyone who has lost a dog, to seriously think about getting a dog sooner rather than later. I know everyone is different, but even as I worried that I wouldn’t bond with Ranger like I did with Bella and for certain it took time, there is nothing like the presence of canine love to soothe a broken heart.
That’s not to say I didn’t have some ambivalence and didn’t compare Ranger to Bella. I absolutely did. I missed her kisses and her uncanny ability to look in my eyes and as if she was reading my mind, but in time and with help from Andre, who shared with me the essential life observation that as love is infinite, I wouldn’t be forsaking my love for Bella by embracing Ranger. So I realized that I wasn’t replacing Bella, but simply adding another member to the family.
And I’m happy to report, over the past year Ranger has become somewhat Bella-fied for better and for worse. Gratefully he doesn’t hate other dogs like Bella did, but gone is what Andre and I called his emotional unavailability-he used to squirm and avoid any affection with the exception of about 30 seconds of obsessional excitement upon first site of us. Once that was done, he’d be happy sleeping on the floor, or really just about anywhere I wasn’t.
However now after 355 days with me I am proud to say Ranger is a bed hogging, cuddle bear who isn’t happy unless he is sitting with at least part of his body touching you. I am so proud and so grateful that in my mind Bella sent dear Ranger to me and for that and for so much more, a year out I miss her and I thank her for being my doggie angel
It is always difficult to say goodbye to a beloved pet, and explaining how you feel to non-dog-crazy people is like adding insult to injury; not everyone understands how much our dogs mean to us.
Through the magic of the internet I have met a wonderful, dog-loving woman named Judy. She is a friend of my sister’s who lives in Singapore with her husband Russel who is a photographer (hence the amazing pics) and a pack of beloved Golden Retrievers.
Golden's at Christmas
Sadly, Sidney her first boy, his health had begun to deteriorate in recent months. Knowing that her friend Cynthia’s sister was a crazy dog person, who might understand her situation, she reached out and we began chatting online.
Judy wrote me the most beautiful emails about her beloved Sidney and her fight to keep him healthy and vital. Unlike the US where vets are abundant and understanding of the desire to keep dogs alive and well at almost any cost, Singapore was somewhat behind. And yet Sidney was born in 1994! Certainly Judy was quite a dog mom to have a Golden live strong for 15 plus years.
Sydney wearing Louis Vuitton Sneaker
But last week, it was time to let Sidney go. I asked Judy to write something about Sidney because if we honor our family and friends with obituaries, we should do the same for our four-legged family member who we love so dearly.
Here is what she wrote:
There is such a strange void and silence in my house after Sidney died. I can’t explain it. Even though I still have 3 dogs, I think his aura was really big.
My husband, Russel, brought Sidney home about 15 and half years ago. We were dating, not married yet. I named him Sidney (after Sidney Poitier) and he was the finest blonde I’d ever met! Like people, some dogs have a presence that cannot be explained and Sidney had that X factor. Everyone always remembers Sidney. It’s not that he did special tricks or anything uniquely special, but people have always gravitated to him. Even when we finally settled and with 4 adorable goldens, Sidney was always the one that stood out.
Sidney also remembers people really well. He adored Russel’s father (who passed away on 28 Aug, exactly 2 months before Sids) who took care of him when he was a sick puppy. Russel’s father, Dr Wong, would take time out of his rest to nurse and medicate this special doggy every hour on the hour and feed him soft white bread to encourage Sidney to eat. Up to today, Sidney’s favorite food is a loaf of baguette! Whenever Sidney saw Dr Wong, he would just go nuts! He would want to snuggle up close and put his lap on Dr Wong, like he was forever grateful to Dr Wong for saving his life and caring.
During Russel’s photo shoots, Sidney would walk over to the studio and sit down and posed. It was really funny because Russel always had to shoo him out of the studio. Sidney liked posing with people! He really did enjoy taking pictures! But more than anything, he loved being around people and people loved him. He was a sensitive soul, my boy, and he had a lot of friends. So many were in tears when I announced that he died, so many.
Sydney in his favorite spot
I knew he was going to die when I woke up on the morning of the 28th. He was so tired and he was having a hard time breathing. I carried him downstairs (they ALL sleep with me in my bedroom, no matter who is sick) and saw that he probably had hours or another day at most. I finally made the decision to call the vet to the house (I would not have wanted him to die at the vet’s, I had to respect Sidney’s wishes. I know how much he hated the vet’s office) because I just couldn’t bear to see him suffer anymore. What really hurts is that his eyes were so alive and well, but the rest of him was not. That makes me feel so guilty! The logical side of my brain understands that it was the best thing for him, but my heart was just in pieces.
Please God take care of my Sidney and forgive me. I’m trying to make myself remember all the wonderful years and be grateful for every minute of them, to have had the opportunity to love such a wonderful companion and get loved back. But it’s still hard. it’s going to take a while…. a long while.
Meanwhile, I’m just trying to give attention to the other 3 doggies. But there is a huge void in my home and in my heart.
What a beautiful letter Judy wrote and I’m glad we were able to connect and share about Sydney.
If you need to share about your dog, I’m always here at betsy@lovethydog.com or there are some amazing Pet Loss support resources online, including the ASPCA’s website and Petloss.com which has a lengthy list of grief hotlines.
In rescue, people tend to have their things. Some do transport, some raise money, some do adoptions, some foster and some do all of the above. I’ve been a money raiser/money raiser/transporter who doesn’t love doing adoptions and who certainly never fostered–my beloved Bella had a certain disdain for pretty much anything on four legs.
But now, with my boy Ranger being the congenial happy-go-lucky boy that he is, I realized that I could consider temporarily inviting a second dog in my home. (Fostering is really one of the most helpful things you can do for a rescue btw for anyone considering it.)
Marvin is for Adoption
At the same time, a long-time rescue friend, on whom I have foisted many a dog, found herself with 3 spirited young pups. She has been doing rescue for a long time and had been trying to wind down her pack to just lifers–older dogs who were basically unadoptable whether for behavioral or health reasons. But as a tender-hearted sucker, she couldn’t say no to the puppies; each with a story more terrible than the next. And while they were independently quite wonderful, together, the puppy energy was driving her nuts!
In a recent conversation I could hear the exasperation in her voice–remember god made puppies cute for a reason. Feeling like I wanted to pitch in and realizing I could actually try fostering at this point, I offered to foster one of the pups with a focus on finding him a home. She was ecstatic.
Within a few hours I was driving away from her house with Marvin..the absolutely cutest 22lb poodle mix you’ve ever seen. He’s steel gray with a bit of white on his chest and a light gray soul patch under his chin. It’s unclear what’s he’s mixed with, maybe a Lhasa Apso perhaps or a Tibetan Terrier? Whatever is in there, is incredibly affectionate and smart.
This dog just loves love. He wants to be next to you, in your lap or even better in your lap curled into your armpit. He is also quite playful with Ranger and with us; not annoying so, but he definitely makes things a bit more lively in the house. And the best part is that Ranger, who can be a little aloof is learning from Marvin how to be more affectionate.
There are people interested in him already and I hope we find him a perfect home–one where he will be cherished and loved and one where he can spend a good deal of time cuddled up like the baby he was born to be!
I came across the Dog Bark Park Inn in Cottonwood, Idaho and I’m now somewhat obsessed.
Its a Bed & Breakfast guesthouse inside the World’s Biggest Beagle. Guests enter the body of the beagle from a private 2nd story deck. Some of the dog’s decorative furnishings are carvings by Dog Bark Park chainsaw artists Dennis & Frances. Inside and up another level to the head of the dog is a loft room with additional sleeping space plus a cozy alcove in the muzzle.
The Beagles have names too: Toby and Sweet Willy. Toby, a 12-foot tall beagle statue, was built by Dog Bark Park artists Dennis Sullivan and Frances Conklin.
Sweet Willy, officially known as Dog Bark Park Inn, is one of America’s latest additions to the type of roadside architecture popular in the early days of automobile vacation travel when travelers would often buy gas, eat meals or stay overnight in a building that looked like something else. Remember coffee pot or teacup gas stations, milk bottle shaped restaurants or the shoe and duck houses? For today’s travelers Dog Bark Park Inn offers a glimpse into those bygone days with all the comforts of our modern days.
When Chad, a yellow Labrador retriever, moved in with Claire Vaccaro’s family in Manhattan last spring, he already had an important role. As an autism service dog, he was joining the family to help protect Ms. Vaccaro’s 11-year-old son, Milo — especially in public, where he often had tantrums or tried to run away.
Like many companion animals, whether service dogs or pets, Chad had an immediate effect — the kind of effect that is noticeable but has yet to be fully understood through scientific study. And it went beyond the tether that connects dog and boy in public.
“Within, I would say, a week, I noticed enormous changes,” Ms. Vaccaro said of Milo, whose autism impairs his ability to communicate and form social bonds. “More and more changes have happened over the months as their bond has grown. He’s much calmer. He can concentrate for much longer periods of time. It’s almost like a cloud has lifted.”
Dr. Melissa A. Nishawala, clinical director of the autism-spectrum service at the Child Study Center at New York University, said she saw “a prominent and noticeable change” in Milo, even though the dog just sat quietly in the room. “He started to give me narratives in a way he never did,” she said, adding that most of them were about the dog.
The changes have been so profound that Ms. Vaccaro and Dr. Nishawala are starting to talk about weaning Milo from some of his medication.
Anecdotes abound on the benefits of companion animals — whether service and therapy animals or family pets — on human health. But in-depth studies have been rare. Now the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, part of the National Institutes of Health, is embarking on an effort to study whether these animals can have a tangible effect on children’s well-being.
In partnership with the Waltham Center for Pet Nutrition in England (part of the Mars candy and pet food company), the child health institute is seeking proposals that “focus on the interaction between humans and animals.” In particular, it is looking for studies on how these interactions affect typical development and health, and whether they have therapeutic and public-health benefits. It also invites applications for studies that “address why relationships with pets are more important to some children than to others” and that “explore the quality of child-pet relationships, noting variability of human-animal relationships within a family.”
The national institutes’ interest in this type of research goes back at least two decades. Valerie Maholmes, who directs research on child development and behavior at the children’s health institute, said that at a broad-ranging meeting in 1987 on the health benefits of pets, the N.I.H. “concluded that there needed to be much more research,” especially on child development.
Other sessions confirmed the need for research, but most studies focused on negative interactions, like the ways pets could spread disease, said James A. Griffin, the institute’s deputy chief of child development and behavior.
Meanwhile, the Waltham Center was expanding its own research to do some small studies about human-animal interaction, said Catherine E. Woteki, global director of scientific affairs for Mars Inc. “We are a pet food company and pet care company,” Dr. Woteki said, “and we’re interested in seeing that that relationship stays a strong one.”
Reviews of the Waltham research program indicated that larger studies over longer terms with appropriate control groups were needed. When Mars became aware of the institutes’ interest in this type of research, a public-private partnership was established, with the company committing more than $2 million. The National Institute of Nursing is also providing money.
Peggy McCardle, chief of the institutes’ child development and behavior branch, said the money from Mars helped jump-start the efforts. Dr. McCardle added that the N.I.H. had established protocols for public-private partnerships and that all proposals got two levels of review before being approved.
People working with animals expect the research to back up their observations. At Children’s Hospital of Orange County in Southern California, for instance, dozens of volunteers regularly take their dogs to visit patients. Children being treated for serious illnesses often have the blues, anxiety or depression. “The dogs brighten them up,” said Emily Grankowski, who oversees the pet therapy program at the hospital.
Some patients who have refused to speak will talk to the dogs, she said, and others who have refused to move often reach for the dogs so they can pet them. So the animals become part of the therapeutic program, especially in the areas involving speech and movement.
“The human-animal bond bypasses the intellect and goes straight to the heart and emotions and nurtures us in ways that nothing else can,” said Karin Winegar, whose book “Saved: Rescued Animals and the Lives They Transform” (Da Capo, 2008) chronicles human-animal interactions. “We’ve seen this from coast to coast, whether it’s disabled children at a riding center in California or a nursing home in Minnesota, where a woman with Alzheimer’s could not recognize her husband but she could recognize their beloved dog.”
Such observations are not new at Autism Service Dogs of America, which brought Milo and Chad together. “Many children with autism can’t relate to a human,” said its director, Pris Taylor, “but they can relate to a dog.”
Humorist/Journalist/Author Bill Geist and his wife recently adopted a terrier mix and here is the report he filed for CBS Sunday Morning. For better or worse, it’s quite an accurate portrayal of what one goes through when bringing home a four legged friend…
There’s nothing quite like spending your weekend at the Emergency Vet. Yep… a big fat U G H… It’s a combo of:
Boring: you end up having to sit in uncomfortable chairs for what seems like an eternity
Expensive: Emergency vets are like Emergency Hospitals. Thing just cost more when there is a rush.
Anxiety: Inducing: you’re scared about your dog’s health and about how much it’s going to cost.
It’s indeed all these things and more wrapped into one package.
Gratefully I think Ranger is now okay, I’m still not sure what was/is wrong with him, but he’s stable. However it wasn’t always so clear, in fact I was pretty freaked out…here’s the break down of the weekend…
Ranger threw up or really spit up on Thursday, but seemed totally fine except for a bit of cough on Friday. Then at about 2am on Saturday morning, and again at 6am he awoke with more explosive hacks and some spit-ups. While he wasn’t lethargic- a telltale sign that your dog is not doing well and you have to go to the vet immediately- I decided Ranger really needed to go to the vet and he needed to go at that moment, i.e. he couldn’t wait until regular vets opened at 9am.
Ranger
I would have preferred to wait-emergency vet hospital visits are (as seen above) boring, expensive and anxiety producing-but Ranger’s regular vet wasn’t even open on weekends so basically I weighed the options, i.e. knowing I was going to get him seen right away but would be paying for that privilege, vs. getting him seen by a vet I knew but that still wasn’t his own a few hours later for about 40% less up-front.
Ugh again, I obviously chose the former and headed west down Santa Monica boulevard towards Sepulveda-the Veterinary Hospital Homeland-hoping for the best and still unsure if I made the right decision. See, I’m a bit of a Jewish mom when it comes to my dogs’ healthcare. This can be beneficial, as I know that I had my girl Bella as long and comfortable of a life as possible because I was hawkish about her health, but the flip side is that it can get insanely expensive.
Was I being overly cautious and neurotic, or was I being careful? I debated even as I was filling out the intake form at the Emergency vet. Thankfully I have insurance, which made me feel much better about going for the more expensive option.
Everyone at the emergency hospital (I went to ASEC) was very nice, and the vet I got assigned was so sweet and smart-she went to PENN after all (I happen to grab my PENN sweatshirt as I was getting dressed so we bonded immediately.)
University of Pennsylvania
But even as nice as everyone was, it’s just an overwhelming experience: between the estimates they give you and the options for treatment… do you keep them in the hospital or take them home for observation… do I go with the expensive blood panel or do a more limited one and then see…all that while you’re worrying about your dog’s health as you watch a stream of other dogs and cats facing some scary illnesses come through the door. With my rescue work and Bella, I’ve gone through the vet hospital experience more times than I care to think about, but you really never get used to it. It’s really enough to make your lose your mind.
At about 6:30am on Saturday they took Ranger back to get x-rays and do some other diagnostic tests. When they came back the very nice vet showed me what appeared to be “a fabric-patterned object” in his GI track. But it was unclear if this was what was causing him to hack and wheeze. His tummy was also full of poop so they needed to get that to pass so they could get a better view. So they asked me to come back at noon.
I went and took a Pilates class that I had scheduled at 10:30, returning at noon upon which time they asked me to come back again because they had a dire emergency to deal with. While some people might have gotten upset at this delay, I knew that this meant that Ranger was stable enough to be back-burnered for a bit, so I went home, watched super disturbing episode of Toddlers & Tiaras (in case you don’t know about this show, it’s a disturbing look at the world of Pageants. It’s on TLC and I’m obsessed) and then came back at 2pm.
Toddlers & Tiaras
In that time the doctors witnessed one of his wheeze-fits and while they were still concerned about the GI issue, it was clear that whatever was going on with him was directly affecting his respiratory system and that is what needed to be dealt with. Gratefully Ranger still wanted to play and eat and eat some more so while they were worried that they didn’t know what was wrong, his clinical signs were pretty good.
So they sent me home with a cough suppressant and antibiotics. I could have left him at the vet for observation but who wants to leave their babies if they don’t have to-particularly for hundreds of dollars a day. This goes back to that expensive part that makes Emergency vets so challenging. They literally take a credit card deposit from every client in the amount that the vet anticipates your animal’s treatment is going to cost in advance of the treatment really even getting started. They do this because-and I know that this happens all the time because in rescue we get dogs that have been dumped at Emergency vets quite a lot, so they’re not making it up-people will simply leave a dog if the cost is too high. People literally take off and leave the vet to eat the cost, and care for the pet.
So back to the rundown… after we went home around 4ish, we ended up back at about 7:30pm-ish because Ranger’s hacking cough was just downright scary.
I was there with him until about 11pm when were discharged with new meds that would hopefully soothe him. Unfortunately they didn’t and we ended up back at 2:30ish.
Ranger stayed from 2:30am until about 5:30pm Sunday when I picked him up with different meds but still no new diagnosis. Thankfully though there was a decrease in the intensity of his coughing fits and some pending tests that might tell us if he has some sort of cooties.
The vets gave me instructions to keep him quiet and give him a combo of meds that should ease him, and the suggestion to bring him to his regular vet for follow-up. So we headed home and straight to bed to watch the Emmy’s together under the covers.
Ranger only woke up about every two hours or so with some coughs and the meds they gave me to give him, did seem to help soothe him. Too bad they didn’t give me any meds to help me through not having slept much over the weekend… but I guess that would have been somewhat illegal, appreciated but illegal.
Ranger is currently spending the day at his regular vet where I will be picking him up after work. Who knows, maybe we’ll have a new diagnosis… I’ll keep you posted…
I have been a dog person since I can remember. My parents had a rescued Sheltie Shepherd mix named Foxy when I was born- one of father’s fraternity brothers from PENN (who he incidentally had dinner with this week) had found the dog after the 1971 earthquake and somehow convinced my parents, neither of whom had ever had a dog, to adopt him.
Foxy was awesome- smart, playful and ever-patient as I am sure I was not exactly a gentle or delicate kid. He along with the Woody–the puppy we got when I was 3– were my constant companion as a child. From that point on I was just drawn to all things dog…particularly dog rescue.
Kids & Dogs
But for normal kids how do they find out about rescue… what happens at a shelter… how to treat and properly care for dogs?
Today the answer is most likely an amazing show on PBS called Martha Speaks. The series and the books follow a family dog who eats alphabet soup and gains the ability of human speech. In addition to its mission of vocabulary development–always a good thing– the series aims to educate children 4-to-7 about shelter animals, and inform families on pet ownership and responsibility.
I love this show, and I’m particularly excited about its new season premieres on September 14th. Over the course of the new episodes, viewers will see a two-part episode that further explores Martha, the title character’s days as a shelter dog and other new episodes that present strong anti-littering/pet safety messages in a way that is accessible to kids. Here is a preview of the episode airing today
A woman named Susan Medaugh created Martha Speaks. The idea behind came one day over lunch with her then-seven-year-old son when he asked what would happen if he fed their family dog his alphabet soup. From there Meddaugh has educated and inspired so many kids and families about dogs. She is truly a role model for me. I hope the work I do with my book (The Complete Single’s Guide To Being A Dog Owner, Adams Media 2009) and this blog might make even a fraction if the impact she has had on helping to protect and cherish the dogs of this world!
Be sure to tune to your local PBS affiliate (even if you don’t have kids) today, September 14th!
It’s been way too long, I know, since I’ve last blogged, but wow it’s been a busy month here in NYC working on the upcoming New York Video Voter Guide. I have been a little better about keeping up with my Facebook status and posting dogs in need. And I thank all of you who have helped with my latest posted pooches.
In doing some poking around online today, I found a very cool project that I think deserves some support, it’s called Animal Care for Artists and its mission is to assist low income individuals, employed in the arts, in covering the cost of medical care for their animal companions.
Animal Care for Artists
In our “new” economy (read crappy economy) anything we can do to stop more sick animals ending up in shelters the better. Helping people who otherwise might not be able to afford proper care for their animals ultimately helps alleviate pressure on the already-overburdened shelter system. Click here to read more about how Animal Care for Artists operates.
What’s also interesting is how this group is going about fund-raising. I found them on a site called Kickstarter which is a supercool portal built for funding creative projects of all sorts. According to the Kickstarter site:”We love artists, writers, designers (of all kinds!), filmmakers, musicians, journalists, athletes, adventurers, inventors, bloggers, illustrators, explorers, curators, promoters, performers, and others.”
So check out Animal Care for Artist and Kickstarter.com and consider making a donation to this group get up and running!
I am in New York working on The Video Voter Guide- it’s a comprehensive voter information program that allows all candidates for city election to tape a candidate statement. I’m overseeing the project and it’s being taped at 30 Rock/WNBC which is pretty cool.
What is not cool, however, is how much I miss Ranger! I’ve only had him a few short months but I can’t stop thinking about him!
My Son Ranger
To deal with my own separation anxiety I have developed the following coping mechanisms:
1. I have about 10 different photos of Ranger on my phone and I shuffle through them at least a couple of times a day.
2. Change my home screen so that I get a new shot of Ranger every day.
3. Check in on Ranger at his home away from home (my friend Amy’s house)
4. Hang out with my dog-owning friends and family in NYC.
and finally
5. Stop random people with dogs on the street and get my dog fix.
Last night I did a combo of 4 & 5 when I had a fabulous dinner with my friends Shelly and Julie at Tiramisu (a yummy Italian place on the corner of 80th & 3rd) with their adorable Cavalier King Charles Spaniels Sadie and Sasha. I felt like a true New Yorker, sitting outside and enjoying a great Italian meal with friends (canine and human alike.)
Then as I was heading home, I saw the most adorable Chocolate Lab just sitting like a perfect angel as her parents enjoyed their sushi dinner. I couldn’t resist asking if I could say hi. Jordan (the lab) and her parents obliged my need for a dog fix and Jordan and I engaged in some mad love complete with slobbery lab kisses- a personal favorite.
Chocolate Lab in Pearls
I come to find out Jordan’s parents are actually transplanted LA people, they went to the same vet that I do and Jordan is a rescue; definitely my kind of people. Oh, and Jordan has been featured on the Martha Stewart Show- a celebrity dog!
It’s doesn’t all up to actually being able to be with Ranger, but I’m coping!
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