canine cancer sucks

this week has not been all that fun. an mri on monday showed that bella has a tumor in a hard to reach spot under her armpit. a biopsy and ultra-sound done on wednesday confirms that it’s cancer; either a spindle cell tumor or an osteosarcoma. both are aggressive types of cancer.

i have started, stopped, erased  and restarted this post at least 6 times. how do you even write about this? but when you have a blog about dogs, how do you not write about it???

ughhh. i love her. i love her more than i can easily communicate. with absolute certainty i can say she has made me the person i am today- literally. without her i wouldn’t have gotten into rescue; wouldn’t have written a book- i wouldn’t have had something to write about. she is my rock. 

i am grateful for the time we have had together,  and while i don’t want it to be one day shorter than it can be, i promise not to be selfish. it makes me crazy when i see people putting their dogs through hellish cancer treatments so that they live just a few more weeks. i’m a big believer in leaving the party when everyone’s having a good time.

i mean i understand the inclination to try every avenue of treatment completely. of course you want to be with your dog forever. but it can’t happen. and moreover as opposed to treating humans with disease, dogs can’t communicate in the same way. i can’t exactly ask bella what she wants. so then it’s back to me making decision for her which can be confusing. am i making the right decisions. is this for her or for me or…or…or.  UGH!

so before i spin out of control, i come back to this. i love her and i know her. we have had a good ride and hopefully i’ll know when it’s time to let go. i won’t be happy about it, but it will be right. 

in the meantime send your good thoughts to bella for her days to be happy and as pain free as possible. 

hugs

bella & betsy

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