Goodbye My Baby
Posted: March 4th, 2009 | Author: admin | Filed under: Uncategorized | 8 Comments »
Bella 2/28/09 http://www.ecarenphoto.com/
I am so sad to report Bella and I lost her battle with Osteosarcoma yesterday. It’s a weird feeling having her gone. It’s like it’s just not real, that when today is over I’ll still get to get home to walk her.
Thankfully everything came quite quickly and for the most part painlessly on Bella’s last day. The night before last she didn’t finish her kibble, which for Bella was like not breathing. She was however happy to have the free-range organic chicken breast that Andre made for her. When we went to bed, she was lying on her back feet straight up in the air– her favorite position– right in the middle of the bed we brought in from the guestroom. Since her diagnosis I had been sleeping on that floor mattress with her so that she wouldn’t stress her bones jumping up and down from the raised king bed. It wasn’t exactly house beautiful, but it was perfect.
Bella has always been a bed hog, but her position Monday night, was somehow just so that it made it almost impossible for me to lie down with her. I tried a few positions and then headed for the king. But something stopped me. What if this was the last time I ever got to sleep with her? How crappy would that be? I sucked it up and went back to the floor. After a few minutes of bed-space negotation we both fell deeply and beautifully asleep for the whole night without moving or waking up.
In the morning, Bella hopped-to when I got up to feed her breakfast. She followed me and eagerly awaited her kibble, and while she finished it, she was very slow about it. Again not like her. But then she bounded down the stairs and wanted more chicken. After I got dressed, I grabbed the leash and said my usual Bella go Pee-Pee . That would usually get her excited, and while she came , her pace as she walked towards the door was just a little more subdued than her usual full court press.
Bella 2/29/09
When we got outside she made a quick pee and started back towards the front door. Instead of bringing her back in, I opened the car door and she hopped right in. We drove to our spot- Teuscher Chocolates in Beverly Hills to get our morning croissants from one of favorite humans Brett. She inhaled that croissant along with half a blueberry muffin which Brett threw to her piece by piece out the coffe window. She caught every single one with ease.
As you can read from this story so far, food clearly became even more synonomous love with Bella in the last few weeks, so it was no suprise that she had been looking somewhat more chunkalicious than she had before being diagnosed with cancer. In addition to the overfeeding, we hadn’t been walking her as much. When she got back in the car, I looked at her pink collar and saw that it was a litte loose, and yet her stomach looked bigger– I quickly registered that this was not a good sign.
On my way back from Teuscher, I started to process all of the symptons–lethargy, a bit of confusion, distended stomach. I started dialing; my regular vet, the cancer vet, the acupuncture vet, and my mom. I asked her to come visit Bella as I had to go to a staff meeting (or I thought I did- it had been moved to afternoon) My mom arrived about 30 minutes after I left for work and she stayed with Bella for an hour taking her for a walk and giving her an enormous chew stick from Trader Joe’s which she again inhaled in minutes. She said Bella was alert, but just again she was low energy.
Thankfully Dr. Joann the acupuncture vet was available to come at noon- about an hour later. Upon examining Bella she could see that Bella’s stomach was indeed quite distended– it was even more so than when I left in the morning. She recommended that I take Bella to Dr. Lyons (cancer vet) immediately and I did.
I kind of knew this didn’t mean anything good, so I tried to relish in the drive to the vet because I pretty much knew I would be driving home alone. I opened the window extra wide and let Bella enjoy the sunshine and the wind on her face.
Moments after walking in to the Veterinary Cancer Group, Dr. Lyons came out and gave her a once over. He said let’s go into a room and talk. Knowing that my number one goal was to not let Bella experience one second of pain more than she needed to, he let me know in a very nice way, that I cannot remember for life of me what that was, that it was time to let Bella go.
He could keep her alive for a day or two, but her distended belly and the kind of cancer she had presented with earlier, indicated that we were facing either heart failure or the cancer had spread to her abdomen– both scenarios were not good and surgery wouldn’t be in Bella’s best interest.
Bella 2004 Kristin Chalmers Photography
He brought me into a special room, where he gave us as much time together as we needed. I called Andre and my mom and I spoke with my regular vet who said I was doing what was right for Bella. One of Dr. Lyons staff came in to have me sign the paperwork and to give Bella a handful of treats–which being Bella–she inhaled in about a second flat. She was indeed herself until the end.
When Dr. Lyons returned he gave me an overview of what to expect. They would be giving her an anesthia to sedate her and then a drug that would stop her heart. I have had to put our dogs down before, so I somewhat knew what to expect, but every animal is different, and it’s never easy. Bella was already lying down on her side. The tech put a needle in one of her back legs and administered the sedative. Bella was calm, but then got very tense for a second which sent me into a panic.
I love you Bella
The doctor calmly explained that the anesthesia was just making things dark and she was looking around for light. I was right in front of her, so I know the last thing she saw was my face. After a few seconds she relaxed and so did I. I laid down my head on her head and I gave the doctor the go ahead to give her the dose that would stop her heart, and then she was gone.
It was very peaceful and immediately I had this overwhelming sense of pride for my sweet girl. She made her journey with such dignity and she was as I said herself until the very end.
Thank you to everyone who has sent their condolences and their messages of support. Bella loved you all very much. Thank You.
Now go kiss your dogs and get pet insurance.
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