It’s completely weird that one year ago today I said goodbye to my Bella. Yes, weird. I mean of course it’s devastatingly sad, and I still suddenly burst into tears missing her; but the overwhelming feeling I have today is weird that I’m functioning without her. All you non-dog crazies may think hello, Bella was not a person, of course you are surviving. But to those like me, don’t you wonder how you will go on without the creature that got you up in the morning and always had a lick of love for you before you went to bed? Well if not, I certainly did. And while with a heavy heart, I am happy to say I did survive the past 365 days.
And I have found puppy love again with RANGER the yellow lab of love, and oh some of that other (human) love too, as I got engaged to be married (woo-hoo) to my beautiful fiancé Andre who also loved Bella dearly.
On this emotional day, I happen to be visiting my sister in Singapore and had dinner with Judy, the lovely woman whom I wrote about late last year (in my last blog post before I took way too long a hiatus- sorry about that) who also had to say goodbye to her beloved Golden Retriever Sydney.
Sadly she lost another dog soon after, Sydney’s 13 year old pup. Judy and I bonded in cyberspace about the loss of a pet, so it was quite fortuitous I could be with her today.
She still has Sydney’s life partner Nikki and another of the pups, Tara who is also 13 years young. Being with her reminded me how much I encourage anyone who has lost a dog, to seriously think about getting a dog sooner rather than later. I know everyone is different, but even as I worried that I wouldn’t bond with Ranger like I did with Bella and for certain it took time, there is nothing like the presence of canine love to soothe a broken heart.
That’s not to say I didn’t have some ambivalence and didn’t compare Ranger to Bella. I absolutely did. I missed her kisses and her uncanny ability to look in my eyes and as if she was reading my mind, but in time and with help from Andre, who shared with me the essential life observation that as love is infinite, I wouldn’t be forsaking my love for Bella by embracing Ranger. So I realized that I wasn’t replacing Bella, but simply adding another member to the family.
And I’m happy to report, over the past year Ranger has become somewhat Bella-fied for better and for worse. Gratefully he doesn’t hate other dogs like Bella did, but gone is what Andre and I called his emotional unavailability-he used to squirm and avoid any affection with the exception of about 30 seconds of obsessional excitement upon first site of us. Once that was done, he’d be happy sleeping on the floor, or really just about anywhere I wasn’t.
However now after 355 days with me I am proud to say Ranger is a bed hogging, cuddle bear who isn’t happy unless he is sitting with at least part of his body touching you. I am so proud and so grateful that in my mind Bella sent dear Ranger to me and for that and for so much more, a year out I miss her and I thank her for being my doggie angelEmail This Post