Walking the Walk

Losing Bella and the aftermath there of- -grieving, taking in a foster, contemplating looking for another forever friend has really put me through my puppy paces.  It is one thing to write about these events in the book and on this blog but certainly another to live them.

Bella & Me Feb 28 by Elisabeth Caren

Bella was no spring chicken when she passed; probably around 12 or 13, maybe? And so for about the last year or maybe six months, especially since the loss of my beloved dog from college, Tucker, I had taken moments as Bella and I did our daily routine just to say to myself: Betsy this drink in. Remember this time fondly because life is precious. Maybe I thought doing that, having that memory would help me control the eventual pain that I knew I would face when she passed.

Um, super good, control-freaktastic idea. But it still totally sucks to lose her. And I am sort of a basket case.

But instead of taking it easy and compensating for the fact I have had major problems sleeping, I somewhat-hastily tried to take in a foster dog.  Her name is Tiki; she is absolutely most elegant, beautiful 10-month old German Shepherd girl I have ever met. She was dumped by her family because she requires medicine that cost about 40 dollars a month. And while every penny counts these days, her former parents could afford it, but just chose not to and turned her into German Shepherd Rescue of Orange County which is a wonderful rescue group that everyone should know of and donate to!

Tiki

While I had never thought of myself as a German Shepherd girl, I love the group and this girl needed a foster. But sadly she was a bit too much dog for me. (I should have never gone for a younger dog, something else I write about in the book. Check out the Senior Dog Project for why Senior Dogs rock.) Tiki really needs a home, even a foster home with a yard (she never peed on the leash once in 3 days) and another dog to play with. I just couldn’t provide that for her. But if you know of anyone who might fit the bill please pass on her info. I do LOVE HER!

Ugh, so through heaving tears I brought her back to rescue- but thankfully GSROC is a rescue not the pound and Tiki is safe and will find great home.  That is why it is ALWAYS a good idea to adopt from a group. Dogs will be safe if it’s not a match and dogs have been fostered first so more can be known about them.

All that goodness aside though, having to bring her back made me, on top of feeling devastated about Bella, feel like an ass. What kind of dog person amd I?

And then I realized I’m a human dog person for lack of a better term. I realize, almost as I write this that I am not a perfect dog owner. Far from it and I hope that writing from that place will make more people relate to the book and this blog. Bella while loved more than any dog I know didn’t eat at the same time every day, and that sometime I left her for an hour longer than I should have. And while she went to doggie bootcamp to get along with other dogs, there was no way I would be able to maintain her good canine manners after the course ended because I couldn’t keep her training up for a variety of reasons which can be best summed up with I’ve been a single girl trying to live my life (dating working, etc.) And that doesn’t mean you can’t be a great loving dog owner. You just have to be smart about it and find the right situation for your life.

Clearly a 10-month old German Shepherd was not the right situation and I will find the right one in time. But just like anything else in life, I have realized the hard way rushing through or into something just isn’t going to take you anywhere you want to be. So I’m going to take my time, miss my baby Bella and see what the Universe sends my way.

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To Live is To Love

As much as I knew it would be coming, Bella’s passing has been beyond devastating. Being a quasi-pragmatist, OK planner/control freak– I tried to intellectualize my way around the pain: I made every right decisions, she experienced far less pain than other dogs with Osteosarcoma and she knew that I love her so deeply–blah blah blah. It ends up that there is no way to work around the stark truth that she is literally missing from my life and that just hurts like hell and it feels weird to go on with normal life without her.

Hall & Oates

I find myself totally fine and then something trips me up and I break out into tears. I do however have a new appreciation for some classic sad songs which now dominate my mental ipod (i.e. I can’t effing get them out of my head.) These tearjerker “classics”include She’s Gone by Hall & Oats and When It’s Over by Sugar Ray; music snob I am not.

And people by thy way (probably many of you reading this) been so supportive and amazing. Thank You all truly so much. I heard some extremely helpful things. One that hit close to home was regarding the sadness and how it’s just different. As opposed to other sadnesses a single girl in her 30′s has no doubt experienced i.e. a bad break-up, being laid off or having a falling out with a friend, when losing a dog  there is of course sadness, but it’s uncomplicated. There is a sweetness to a dog and our relationships  with them. Losing it that connection just hurts; in your gut.

So what to do? For some people it doesn’t feel right not having a dog. I have friends who have beloved dogs and years later can’t even fathom getting another. For me I knew I couldn’t be without one for long. So… meet Zsa Zsa my new foster.

Zsa Zsa

She is a sweet German Shepherd girl who was turned into to Orange German Shepherd Rescue because she has an enzyme disorder and needs 3/4 of a teaspoon of enzyme powder on her food to aid digestion. I love people. She was in boarding and needed a foster and  I needed to give some puppy love. So while I have never pictured myself with a GSD, let’s see how we do!

Bringing  Zsa Zsa into our lives will be quite the test for me. My book, The Complete Single’s Guide To Being A Dog Owner, which is currently available for pre-sale (shameless plug) among other things gives the 411 on bringing a new dog into your home. It seems like god’s little joke that as my book comes out and I will hopefully be sharing dog advice with the world, I am now in the position that I must walk the walk not just talk the talk–i.e. I’ve got to put into practice the very advice I have given! OY!

Of course I am only fostering sweet Zsa Zsa but fingers crossed we are a match!

Stay tuned.

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