Saying Goodbye, A Dog Obituary

It is always difficult to say goodbye to a beloved pet, and explaining how you feel to non-dog-crazy people is like adding insult to injury; not everyone understands how much our dogs mean to us.

Through the magic of the internet I have met a wonderful, dog-loving woman named Judy. She is a friend of my sister’s who lives in Singapore with her husband Russel who is a photographer (hence the amazing pics) and a pack of beloved Golden Retrievers.

Golden's at Christmas

Sadly, Sidney her first boy, his health had begun to deteriorate in recent months. Knowing that her friend Cynthia’s sister was a crazy dog person, who might understand her situation, she reached out and we began chatting online.

Judy wrote me the most beautiful emails about her beloved Sidney and her fight to keep him healthy and vital. Unlike the US where vets are abundant and understanding of the desire to keep dogs alive and well at almost any cost, Singapore was somewhat behind. And yet Sidney was born in 1994! Certainly Judy was quite a dog mom to have a Golden live strong for 15 plus years.

Sydney wearing Louis Vuitton Sneaker

But last week, it was time to let Sidney go.  I asked Judy to write something about Sidney because if we honor our family and friends with obituaries, we should do the same for our four-legged family member who we love so dearly.

Here is what she wrote:

There is such a strange void and silence in my house after Sidney died. I can’t explain it. Even though I still have 3 dogs, I think his aura was really big.
My husband, Russel, brought Sidney home about 15 and half years ago. We were dating, not married yet. I named him Sidney (after Sidney Poitier) and he was the finest blonde I’d ever met! Like people, some dogs have a presence that cannot be explained and Sidney had that X factor. Everyone always remembers Sidney. It’s not that he did special tricks or anything uniquely special, but people have always gravitated to him. Even when we finally settled and with 4 adorable goldens, Sidney was always the one that stood out.

Sidney also remembers people really well. He adored Russel’s father (who passed away on 28 Aug, exactly 2 months before Sids) who took care of him when he was a sick puppy. Russel’s father, Dr Wong, would take time out of his rest to nurse and medicate this special doggy every hour on the hour and feed him soft white bread to encourage Sidney to eat. Up to today, Sidney’s favorite food is a loaf of baguette! Whenever Sidney saw Dr Wong, he would just go nuts! He would want to snuggle up close and put his lap on Dr Wong, like he was forever grateful to Dr Wong for saving his life and caring.

During Russel’s photo shoots, Sidney would walk over to the studio and sit down and posed. It was really funny because Russel always had to shoo him out of the studio. Sidney liked posing with people! He really did enjoy taking pictures! But more than anything, he loved being around people and people loved him. He was a sensitive soul, my boy, and he had a lot of friends. So many were in tears when I announced that he died, so many.

Sydney in his favorite spot

I knew he was going to die when I woke up on the morning of the 28th. He was so tired and he was having a hard time breathing. I carried him downstairs (they ALL sleep with me in my bedroom, no matter who is sick) and saw that he probably had hours or another day at most. I finally made the decision to call the vet to the house (I would not have wanted him to die at the vet’s, I had to respect Sidney’s wishes. I know how much he hated the vet’s office) because I just couldn’t bear to see him suffer anymore. What really hurts is that his eyes were so alive and well, but the rest of him was not. That makes me feel so guilty! The logical side of my brain understands that it was the best thing for him, but my heart was just in pieces.

Please God take care of my Sidney and forgive me. I’m trying to make myself remember all the wonderful years and be grateful for every minute of them, to have had the opportunity to love such a wonderful companion and get loved back. But it’s still hard. it’s going to take a while…. a long while.
Meanwhile, I’m just trying to give attention to the other 3 doggies. But there is a huge void in my home and in my heart.

What a beautiful letter Judy wrote and I’m glad we were able to connect and share about Sydney.

If you need to share about your dog, I’m always here at betsy@lovethydog.com or there are some amazing  Pet Loss support resources online, including the ASPCA’s website and Petloss.com which has a lengthy list of grief hotlines.

luna and betsy take flight

my cousin called me last week and said, “hi b, want to go to new york and pick up a puppy?” um, well of course i do: A. she said PUPPY!!!! and B. and really most importantly my grandmother who lives in NYC turns 96 years old in a few weeks and i relish every opportunity to see her.
ok back to the PUPPY part. as a rescuer, i am not into breeder dogs. but when you’ve tried to get people to adopt dogs for an extended period of time and they consistently resist, it’s sometimes best to embrace one of my favorite mantras:  “don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good”. meaning i’ve tried to get my friend/family/coworker (in this case my cousin) to adopt for the longest time, and it’s not happening. so at least lets make sure the dog is coming from a good breeder-which it is (one who supports rescue, works hard to keep the integrity of the breed, requires thorough background check, and who cares for their dogs etc.) and lets make sure that dog is raised with tons of love and training so it never has to be rescued or re-homed in the future- which i know it will be.

conveniently, and truly i had the opportunity to have some very important meetings in nyc. so with a work purpose, a puppy purpose and a family purpose i got on a plane on thursday and jetted to nyc.

i worked all day on friday, hung out with my boyfriend on saturday and at 5:00pm a little bundle of golden retriever love arrive at my grandmother’s apartment. her name is luna…the plan was to get her, chill for the night at my gran’s and then get up to go to jfk at 7:30ish for a 10:00 flight. well that was the plan anyway.

when it was time to go to bed, luna, wasn’t all that interested in sleeping-not in her bag, not in bed with me, not anywhere without snooping around an apartment that was NOT meant for puppies. art, oriental rugs, vintage furniture… and where there weren’t fragile items there were dangerous ones- power cords, heaters etc.

i got luna to sleep in her bag for about 90 minutes, all the while i only slept at about 40%. waiting to see if she slept, if she made noises, if she cried. all of which she did until that point when it was clear she wanted to be awake. we went back to the kitchen which i had determined to be a safe zone (confined and easy clean up) and she romped around; played with her toys and generally acted beyond the valley of adorable. soon,  i got to the point of crossed-eyed fatigue and i simply had to figure out a way to sleep without worry about her destroying anything or hurting herself.

staring at a paired down 1950’s kitchen with a cold, hard linoleum floor.  i thought have i totally lost my mind that i am contemplating dragging out the duvet and sleeping on the ground to accomodate not only the puppy but the other people sleeping in the apartment who would surely be awoken by her cries.  so i compromised. i hijacked the 1950’s mattress from the back bedroom and dropped it down onto the floor. i was asleep as was luna, on my head by the way, within minutes.

we stayed that way for about 2+ hours until it was uppy time! ugh. i got up and went back to the kitchen as luna romped and played with her toys. while she made a few substantial pees around, which i over course cleaned up handily, she walked around in cirles squatting intermittently without generating more than a quick squirt of what appeared to be cloudy pee.  this wasn’t marking behavior. it seemed that she really needed to go, but couldn’t. being a girl, it’s quite easy to identify this behavior as indicative of a bladder infection! ugh. they are so painful.

with the prospect of a 6 hour flight in approximately 7 hours, i felt that to be on the safe side luna needed to be seen by a doctor. how horrible for her to have to be cooped up on a plane with a urinary tract infection. i then hesistated for a bit; maybe i was being an overreactive jewish dog guardian. maybe i should just watch her for bit and see. she then squatted and didn’t potty about 4 more times. i knew i had to go.

i got online and googled 24 hour emergency vet and my gran’s nyc zip code. within minutes we were at the Animal Veterinary Medical Clinic. (by the way shout out to them- they were amazing).

i sat in the waiting room for about 2 hours with luna talking to other patients’ worried parents. i giggled with another golden’s mommy and cried with a sweet police office while i helped him make the decision about whether or not it was time to put his dog to sleep. sadly it was.

luna meanwhile was chilling. making friends and giving kisses to the support staff until the vet was available. the vet’s name was alicia and she took amazing care of luna. after a night of extremely depressed cases, a puppy with a UTI was a gift for her. a shot of pain meds and antibiotics we were on our way back home just in time for the alarm to go off to wake us up to go to the airport!

andre, my ever patient, ever wonderful boyfriend drove us to jfk for the flight. walking through the terminal we couldn’t walk 2 feet without an oohh or an ahhh! luna was a star. and i exploited up every bit of that attention to keep her awake; idea being if she’s awake now she’ll hopefully sleep on the plane!

and so she did for about 3 hours at which point it was uppy-up time. thankfully luna and i had the most amazing flight crew on american airlines- shout out to dana in particular! although it is way way way against policy luna spent the second 3 hours of the plane giving kisses and entertaining the passengers and crew.

it was indeed one of the best trips i’ve ever had across the country. especially because on the other end i was able to deliver my newest niece to her loving family!